Compassionate Stimulationism

I dont have an agenda
I'll send checks to some
For I have become
A Stimulus Bum
If you like high taxes
And like getting screwed
You'll demand lots
Of Stimulus, too!

Sing along to the tune of 'New Amphetamine Shriek'
by 'The Fugs'

Let me take this opportunity to apologize to the Ron Paulians. I havent been kind. I still dont like your guy much but as the only non-Keynesian on the political scene I guess I have to give a nod of admiration to the only guy not spouting Keynesian malarkey at the top of his lungs. In a thirteen trillion dollar economy shelling out a $145 billion giveaway to all and sundry is just a phat rebate for being an American. Hey this is the Land of the Free and what says Free better than Free cash from de gub-mint?
Now, I dropped out of college without getting a degree. I'm not very smart so I need somebody to explain to me how mailing checks out to everybody is adding anything to the economy. The $145 bil had to come from somewhere, didnt it? If it was taxes then wasnt the recession made a 145 billion times worse by taking it out of the economy in the first place? If they're printing it up all fresh and clean how can they be sure that us dummies are going to spend it in stimulatory ways? Shouldnt they send us coupons that you can only cash in a gambling casino after you've had two free drinks to make sure we dont go putting it in the bank or paying our credit card bills? Gosh, these guys are so smart, I guess dummies like me should just trust in their wisdom, get the checks and party and let them worry about it. I guess people smart enough to fix the weather can fix something like the economy before breakfast.
Hey, if the economy is a disaster, and Hurricane Katrina was a disaster and the Feds helped out after Katrina by giving people debit cards that you could use to get lap dances at strip clubs then why dont they do that? I could use a lap dance right about now, a naked girl in a g-string wiggling up and down on my lap might just take my mind off the fact that the people running my country are total idiots and I'm going to die in poverty (if my wife doesnt kill me first for going to a strip club).