Tuesday, March 30, 2010

White Aint Right

Boy do I feel guilty! That really smart guy Frank Rich says that the only reason to oppose Obama is that you hate Black People. Gosh, you know, this guy writes for the New York Times so he's a smart as a whip, right? Jesse Jackson agrees with him so like, it's Settled Science.

Hey, wait a minute! I dislike Jimmy 'The Jerk' Carter, BJ Clinton, Nutsy Pelosi, and Chuckie 'Schmucky' Schumer every bit as much as I do Barak Obama...does that mean I hate White People? Come to think of it, I do hate those pink-skinned, freckled, yellow-haired freaks. I even hate Frank Rich for saying that I hate poor, innocent black people who by and large weren't allowed to vote for most of the time a bunch of honky jerks were constructing this ungainly social welfare state that is about to drown this haplessly stupid nation in a sea of roaring red ink and loudly shouted 'GIMMIE's. Yeah, OK, Black People jumped on the Big Government bandwagon pretty enthusiastically in the sixties but by and large the idiots who have invented the misguided social theories that have gotten us into this mess are the faculties of the 'top' universities, overwhelmingly white, the members of federal and state legislatures, again largely a bunch of fat, pink faces and the giant, sprawling state, federal and local bureaucracies and their rapacious unions...a mixed group, but still majority white. The reasoning and decisions issuing from these groups of people could be used to advocate a theory that white people are not only much dumber than black people, they are the stupidest group of people ever to exist on the planet. In a century they have piloted themselves from total dominance over 100% of the planet to a cowering, guilt-riddled, childless, shrinking, geriatric group of obese spoiled brats sniveling for the next handout from the state while they suffer daily insults and new imposts from the more robust savages who surround them.

But the geniuses at ABC News know how to direct my anti-social anger in the right direction. They led the news last night with a giant story about angry, well-armed, right-wing, CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS! It showed those Fat, White bustards shooting their automatic weapons into the shrubbery while a voice-over reminded us, by using the word Christian always to modify the word terrorist, that these unhinged white people were typical of the deranged Jesus-loving scum who oppose ObamaCare. It explained their crack-brained paranoid ideology in as much detail as ABC News ever explains anything. Man, I really hated White People after watching this and I'm glad that, unlike the Christmas Panty Bomber, the Feds were proactive in this case, nabbing these CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS before they actually did anything. Thank Go...I mean Allah Be Praised! Whew! That was close. You know that Jesus guy was white. That's right. The 'C' word was infused through the story. The word they were afraid to use in this story was 'eight', you know, the number between seven and nine. Why was this word muttered sotto voce so inaudibly? Well, it turns out that this seeming horde of WHITE CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTIC TERRORISTS possessed a badly-matched assortment of legal weapons, a lunatic philosophy, hard-drives stuffed with plans and schemes and a total of eight members; four of them a husband a wife and two sons.

The story which followed was reported from a different perspective. Two suicide bombers set themselves off in the Moscow Metro, built by Stalin using tens of thousands of slaves, many of whom were done to death during the construction, during rush hour, killing several dozen and wounding many more. ABC filled our ears with the moans of the injured and trembling eyewitness accounts in broken English. But whereas the first story that evening had focused intently on the CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS and their irrational religious ideology this story didnt spend much time talking about the 'militants from a Caucasus separatist group'. Again they were forced to soften and slur a word and say it very rapidly. Islamic. The 'I' word. No talk of the loony philosophy behind these 'activists'. No speculation as to the number of 'militants' in this group of 'Caucasian seperatist protesters', presumably more than eight. No disheartening reportage on the violent threats issuing from the spokesmen of a government that has always shown itself eager to retaliate against its perceived enemies. No mention that this seemingly isolated act is a result of a long process starting with Stalin's fury at the Caucasian Moslem's support for the invading Wehrmacht during the summer offensive in 1942. Stalin ordered all Caucasian Moslems arrested and transported to camps in wastelands in Khazahstan or Siberia. From ninety-nine year olds to babes in arms. Communist Party members and war heros. All of them. This is a war between people who hate each other's guts but ABC decided that wasnt as important as the CHRISTIAN TERRORISM in the previous story.

But, come to think of it the CTs were white and the 'thoughtful activists' were suitably anti-Western so maybe ABC News has joined me, and I hope all of you, as we stand together against those horrible, awful white people and their crackpot Christian ideology. In fact I'm getting a petition together to ask Congress to punish those palefaces for their lack of enthusiasm for ObamaCare. We're not gonna let you and your unpigmented mugs participate in ObamaCare! We're not gonna even let you help pay for it, so keep your filthy white lucre and go invest it or whatever you honkies do with your money and leave us, your victims for centuries, to the streamlined procedures and incredible low costs of ObamaCare. Take that CheeseBoy!

All of us, actual non-white people and people like myself who are white but hate themselves passionately for the crimes of our forebears, we're gonna ship all you 'American' guys back to Europe and give this torn and bleeding country back to the soulful Native Americans who know how to live without a carbon footprint so that we can raise carbon taxes and save the planet from burning up like a giant cholesterol-saturated Frito. Remember to fear the loony Christian Terrorists and their crackpot ideology.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Catch 23

During the orgy of sentimentality and nauseating phony emotions following the Tragic Death of Buckingham Barbie (Princess Di) the Mercedes Benz motorcar company felt obliged to explain why the Magic Chariot didnt prevent this vacuous, completely unaccomplished but very photogenic person's death. "Every technique of modern engineering has been employed to make our cars as safe as it is possible to be but no engineering can overcome the laws of physics," was the response but the proles were inconsolable and not likely to be molified by ugly Barbiephobic statements like this.

We might want to consider that statement in another context as our current crop of social engineers apply their modern techniques to our helpless nation. As with the lovely Windsorian Cinderella our speeding national agenda is in the hands of a group of people drunk with power and trying to stay one length ahead of the pursuing hounds who are baying the truth about the impending doom of every single thing that these morons have considered true for the last seventy years. They feel that they are safe and that the only thing this well-engineered society needs is ever more intricate engineering.

They have conveniently replaced the Constitution with Catch 22. Catch-22 is easier to learn than the Constitution. It goes like this: 'We can do anything you cant stop us from doing'. Ya got that? Power is everything, the end justifies the means. The entire social structure born from the lies and illegal actions of FDR, with his quasi-fascist NRA, expanded through a long line of presidents, Republican and Democrat, and fattened by a long line of Congresses, Republican and Democrat and realized in the form of a bureaucracy that increasingly invades more and more of what used to be considered private conduct, is headed for the concrete pillar of reality.

The word 'unsustainable' is used more and more to describe the current fiscal situation. This is after the top-drawer geniuses in every country spent several trillion dollars pursuing Keynesian stimulus policies without a single voice seriously questioning whether the world could borrow its way to prosperity. The madcap borrowing and crashing demographics are already starting a domino collapse of geriatric Europe. Instead of the Cradle to Grave social welfare systems so lovingly described for decades by our native lefties we see No Cradle to Grave societies. Because confiscatory taxes and a stagnant, spiritually empty conformity cause the totally self-centered members of these nations to forgo procreation as too expensive and too much trouble (No Cradles) most countries in Western Europe are looking at the total extinction of their native populations in another two generations. No Cradles lead one's society to the Grave.

But Catch 22 is still driving policy. The deluded Democrats have become as heedless of their own political survival as they have been to our national survival. They are trying to override the Constitution in the name of Catch 22 by nationalizing one sixth of the national economy, a sector already reeling from excessive government intervention. That they think they can do this very unpopular act by a parliamentary trick that does an end-run around the clear language of the Constitution makes you ask whether they have completely lost their grip on reality.

People are freaked out. They've had more than a year of this and they are getting madder. Now the Administration, the one which supposedly was 'focused like a laser-beam' on unemployment has extended unemployment benefits and announced that this fake 10%, real 20% unemployment rate is acceptable and likely to be permanent. You got that, you Hope and Change voters? Permanent. You people in your 50s who have been cut loose from shrinking industries, TOUGH! Stop sniveling about your unimportant 'careers', take your permanently extended unemployment and shut up. Kids emerging from the university with a worthless degree and six-figure debt, why not start your life's journey off by sitting in your parent's spare room dodging calls from student loan bill collectors?

All this to support the public employee unions and their avatars in the Democratic Party. They're all doing great, riding the speeding luxury vehicle they have so superbly engineered. No problems across the wide Potomac in deep Obamaland. There are ever more subsidies, handouts, phony make-work jobs to friends and glowing press releases. The people who are doing this are graduates of the top schools but they dont understand what it is that causes wealth to exist and that one of its main components is morality.

Huh? What? Morality has a bad name these days. That's what nosy, holier-than-thou people invoke to stick their schnozolas into other people's business. Annoying and really what does morality have to do with wealth? Who are you to say that I'm a bad person anyway? Its just my private life, for Pete's Sake!

Morality is the laws of physics. Wealthy societies are built and maintained by people who are moral. Wealth is created by you and I working together confident that we can trust each other's good intentions. Morality is having good intentions. When I am pursuing my passion and working towards the future I understand that if people motivated and competent cant take me at my word they will not work with me. I am obliged to respect their needs and feelings if I am to earn their respect. The competent people all know each other. A skillful boss allows these people to do their jobs with as little interference as possible. They wont slack off, they wont steal. Companies that encourage the slackers and the loafers at the expense of the worker bees will soon go into the red.

Which brings us to our current crop of geniuses, whether corporate or governmental. They reward incompetence. They encourage, in the name of fairness, a feeling of entitlement that makes any other motivation self-defeating. They evade legality and they lie about it in terms of glowing selflessness. Now they are flouting the Law Of Unsustainability formulated by Herb Stein (father of Ben and chief economist under Nixon) which goes like this: 'Things that are unsustainable will not be sustained.' They are living this lie and are so deluded they dont really even know that there are consequences for lying. Morality. Lying isnt just BAD its NOT SMART behavior. When you lie you start to believe that reality is maleable, that your lie is the truth. After a while you dont even think that there is an objective truth. You become a fool. We are led by dishonest fools. Fools who think their lies justify them enslaving everyone else to their admittedly well-engineered social agenda, which coincidently is very much in their own personal interests.

Some would call this self-serving sophistry a veneer of lies to hide a massive theft. Lies which have deluded the rubes into voting their oppressors into office to save the drowning polar bears and the shrinking rain forest. They think they can just preform an unconstitutional slight-of-hand trick and magically add government health care to the Unsustainable Structure and everything will just chug along nicely. Dominos are crashing all around; Greece, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Ireland, California, New York, Illinois, thousands of municipal governments, crowds of teachers are being laid off, the gravity of Unsustainability is exacting its merciless pull on the debt-ridden, ossified social structures. Only the presence of a few undamaged states like Texas and the printing of trillions of Obama Bucks is keeping the nation's head slightly above water. But adding Health Care for everyone wont tip us into national bankruptcy...its the Right Thing To Do!

And what a nation it is, too! A society of people who expect that it is their right to receive more benefits from society than they put in. A country densely populated by people who dont believe in the Law of Unsustainability because they worship the False Idol of Entitlement. They believe in their hearts that the trough will always be full. Now that Idol is telling them that adding tens of millions of new recipients to the already bankrupt Medicare-Medicaid rolls and turning the privately-run medical insurance industry over to the tender mercies of the federal bureaucracy is going to save hundreds of billions of dollars.

But they dont believe it any more. The truth is too stark for anyone who hasnt had their brains warped in a Major University to ignore. The dishonesty and incompetence of the Democrats is too blatant. Even the totally negative, self-centered, immoral worry that one's entitled benefits wont get paid has shocked millions of people into consciousness. The continuing collapse cant be ignored outside of government and the top reaches of the corporate world. The lies and the fake social concern will not head off the approaching crash. The Unsustainable will not be sustained. I aint lyin'.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Freako Geeko

OK, whats the biggest waste of money, besides taxes? Not my mortgage. Yes, I could buy a seven bedroom mansion on five acres in most other places for what I pay for this drafty shack with a slab foundation thats crumbling like a saltine cracker but I kinda like the old dump. Food? No way, I'm a savage eater. Gasoline for my fifteen year old 200k+ mileage car? Uh-uh. The biggest waste of money, besides taxes is, of course, insurance.

Now its not as bad as it used to be. The day after my then 16 year old son got his license and I saw the car that I love redlining away from my house in a squeal of spinning tires and a cloud of acrid rubber smoke driven by a person who had had their license for one hour we received a friendly letter from the insurance company informing us that they had moved the decimal point of our car insurance bill one place to the right. You could hardly blame them. Being in the car with the kid at the wheel meant either the flesh on your face was pulled back like an astronaut doing G-force training in a centrifuge or that the only thing preventing you from hitting the dash or being propelled though the windshield was the seat belt, which would catch and partially strangle you as the irresistible force of negative gravity pulled you forward. Somehow the kid never got a ticket or had an accident.

Three children just about drained a lifetime of income from my pockets, especially after our little ballerina was let loose on the highways to play bumper-cars with my VW Cabrio. She piloted that hunk of German engineering like an Me 262. Talk about Farfegnugen. She would roar down Montana Avenue in Santa Monica with the top down and a screaming gang of her fellow ballerinas heading for Starbucks, cheating arrest, death and disaster on every block.

But they've all grown and pay their own insurance now. Our empty-nest old-fokes bill is back to being a minor annoyance, one of life's little financial hemorrhoids. Sometimes annoying but never really that painful. But even if its not such a big worry insurance is hard to forget. Turn on your TV, you cant avoid it.

There's the ditzy dark-haired, apple-cheeked hussy with the tight white outfit and the bright-red lipstick, looking like a vampire who just bit somebody, waving her 'price gun' at all the sundry morons who, for some reason, are wandering through the totally white insurance store. That company is called Progressive. Sorry baby, you're kinda hot but there's something about that name that just doesnt work for me.

Then there's the one where the guy who used to play the President on 24 tells you how safe you'll be in the good hands of Allstate. All-State. First we have Progressive now we have All State, as if there's not enough State in our lives these days. Sorry former TV President, no sale.

But one of the most obnoxious ones doesnt just have one theme that they push. You know who I'm talking about. They have a Cockney-accented lizard, a guy with a Rod Serling voice making really bad jokes, talking potholes and that absolutely bizarre series of ads about a cave-man offended because they say its so easy a caveman could do it. These ads are so ubiquitous you'd almost think these guys were running an Indian casino or a public employee union or something. Their rates must be astronomical for them to be able to buy all this expensive air time. They're like the girl you went out with once and didnt get along with but who kept phoning every fifteen minutes. Desperate.

But I guess if you really want to talk about insurance and desperate in the same sentence you'd have to talk about that tall skinny guy who currently plays the role of President on TV. Boy is he on TV. Even the Indian Casinos and the Fraternal Order Of Police cant outdo this dude when it comes to airtime. He wants everybody to have his insurance and he doesnt mind telling you what he thinks about those other insurance companies, either. They're killing people, letting them writhe in pain and all kinds of stuff like that. Him and his friends got up one day for a six-hour marathon and I'll tell you, by the time it was over the whole front of my Grateful Dead t-shirt was wet with tears.

They told a story about a poor old lady who had to use her dead sister's false teeth every time she tucked into a meal because of those danged insurance companies. It reminded me of WC Fields who had a toothless dwarf valet named Shorty. Fields bought a set of dentures which he let Shorty use until he got mad at him. Then he would confiscate Shorty's choppers and drag him to an expensive restaurant and order them both Porterhouse steaks. I'm surprised that the Demos didnt use this story because unlike the old lady using her dead sister's teeth and Tom Harkin's campaign manager's brother's medical problems the story about Fields and Shorty is actually true. I'm glad they didnt use the Fields story. I was already worried that all my salty tears were going to make the ink on Jerry Garcia's face run onto Bob Weir's guitar and thinking about poor Shorty gumming that unforgiving beef while WC chortled and tossed back another straight gin would have made me cry so hard even Bill Kreutzman, whose face was right near my armpit, would have been in danger of getting drowned.

But what makes me cry even more is the thought that we have a President who is more stupid and obnoxious than a green computer-animated lizard. Yes, the Geico Gecko might crap up the space between sequences of 'Project Runway' and stick his limey nose into exciting episodes of 'Battleplan' or 'Locked Up Abroad' but President Barry has something that separates him from all those other pitchmen. The IRS.

You can decide not to go with the Cockney lizard or to throw away your life savings at the San Miguel Indian Casino but there is no escape from Obamacare. The steely talons of the State will reach into your pockets and bankrupt your employer, they will force you and your children to buy an expensive insurance policy for all the DINKS and gay boys who didnt feel like having any children and lived high on the hog while you were stripped of every penny by the little tykes who appeared in your life. You'll be dunned to give Cadillac care to one tenth of the population of Mexico who currently reside in our beloved country. In fact, in a cost cutting measure, the Obamunists are considering opening free medical care offices inside Mexico itself. Rents are much cheaper and as we all know, the more people we add to the free medical care rolls the lower the cost goes.

Thats the quality of thinking that comes from our Presidential Reptile and his snake-like buddies. And compared to that other cold-blooded, tiny-brained saurian this President is all over the tube pushing an inferior insurance that practically everyone has rejected but which it seems we will be purchasing whether we like it or not. Yes, I know, we have a 2 trillion dollar deficit and revenues are starting to tank but puh-leez, that leak is in a different part of the boat. Our President Gekko is on the tube surrounded by extras in white lab coats so often that you expect a grim voiceover after every appearance to warn you of the potential side-effects of Obamacare.

"May cause lingering poverty, long wait times for urgently needed care, retiring physicians, forced participation in abortions and economic collapse. In the event of a life-threating condition try to consult one of the few remaining doctors. Use with extreme caution."

So, with the Floppy-Eared Lizard's schtick becoming more tired than that stupid 'Waltons saying goodnight' joke, more obnoxious than the offended cave-man, more egregious than the wiggling bint with the Progressive price-gun and with his poll numbers tanking faster than the numbers on the screen in the Walmart ads and with every independent in the country aligning with the Tea Partiers in boiling rage against the Stalinist commies who are trying to nationalize one sixth of our economy using a parliamentary trick and then charge us to subsidize every worthless layabout and scofflaw foreigner in the nation you'd think that there would be some voice of sanity in the Demo Party, some tiny voice that screams about political survival in a 17% unemployment environment.

It just goes to show that no amount of TV will sell a product known to be inferior. They've been flogging the Health Care mule mercilessly for a year and a half and he still wont get over the ridge. The bungling, confused pace of this outrageous piece of legislation has highlighted what species of incompetent, arrogant, self-serving totalitarian reptiles comprise the left-wing Demo Party and now the top leadership of our nation. It would serve us well to remember the extinction of the dinosaurs, a variety of cold-blooded but not very bright critters who ignored reality and wandered into the swamp, never to be seen again. One look at our Saurus Presidentialis and his pathetic performance will tell you that our impending national extinction isnt a theory, its settled science.