Thursday, December 31, 2009

Skep41's Man Of The Year Award

Americans are so arrogant and xenophobic. We thought that we had, in BJ Clinton, the horniest, crookedest, lyingest, money-grubbing disgrace to Democracy in the history of this troubled world. Others have given old BJ a run for his money but until now there just wasnt any competition.

Until Now.

I guess its a sign that America is losing its edge. Its one of the BRIC countries that has produced the new paragon, the matchless man, Skep41's Man Of The Year! A winner and also, like the lovable BJ, a Victim Of Love.

In Hyderabad, India, a town known only for its growing hi-tech industries and a pedestrian run-over rate second only to Beijing there dwelt our Man Of The Hour, Narain Dutt Tiwari. He was the governor of the state of Andhra Pradesh. Yes, was the governor until the vindictive and the uptight got involved in his private life.

Here was an active senior citizen at the top of his game at eighty-six years young, making things happen for his backward state better than any thirty year old. When an eager businesswoman approached him about a mining lease Narain Dutt Tiwari sprang into action. Now mining isnt as iffy in India as it is here. There are no well-organized Ecological whackos, no environmental impact studies to be filed, no endless court cases, no thuggish unions to be placated; in India they want wealth above ground and screw the planet! And to facilitate the digging you just have to grease one guy, Narain Dutt Tiwari. One stop shopping and all your troubles are over. Park yer bakshish budget with Narain Dutt Tiwari and start work tomorrow.

Did I mention that Narain Dutt Tiwari is eighty six years old? Now, we've all had to take care of our aging parents and we all know that when they get up there in age they can come up with some unusual requests and our Senior Citizen Governor had a very unusual request to make of the woman who was negotiating for this particular lease. He wanted to have sex with three hookers at the same time. At eighty six years old. I suppose there were some eyebrows raised somewhere but when you want permission to drill you have to satisfy some unique requests.

So Narain Dutt Tiwari got his party. He even videotaped the proceedings so he could have something to remember in his old age. So that's the first way he qualifies for MOTY; being 86 and still game enough to tackle three young women at the same time and also being idiotic enough to let there be a videotape made of the action. What a guy!

So Narain Dutt Tiwari gets his trip to Girlie World, but was he happy? Apparently not because he stiffed the person who hired the hookers and gave the lease to someone else, someone with four hookers perhaps. What a guy even more! Passing a basket of cash to the Clintons and letting BJ paw your old lady always got you what you wanted but Narain Dutt Tiwari is made of sterner stuff. He laughed at that paltry attempt to influence an honest politician, making him not only hornier than BJ Clinton but LESS HONEST! How many people in the world can say that and not be lying?

But he, or she in this case, who laughs last laughs best! The disgruntled briber had nothing to show for her efforts--except that crummy video. I mean who wants to look at the 86 year old governor of their state in bed with three hookers? Plenty of people, it turns out. The tape got posted on the internet and all hell broke loose!

Now how does a guy, caught on a video tape that everyone has seen, handle the adverse publicity? If he's Narain Dutt Tiwari he yells FRAME-UP! I mean, he's 86 years old and they're charging him with getting it on with three women at the same time, a feat most guys couldnt pull off at 28 years old? If it wasnt for the tape showing him actually doing it he might have gotten away with it, but alas, the video images were too strong for even a politician as skilled as Narain Dutt Tiwari to overcome. He had no sincere wife to sit beside him and claim that they've moved on from their past problems, no adoring media to explain that the prosecutor was a sex maniac, not even a team of fast talking hacks to launch smear attacks on his critics. Narain Dutt Tiwari was all alone on this one.

It was then that he did the thing that gets him Skep's Man Of The Year award, leaving any competition in the dust. He resigned because of his health. 86, three women, and his health is bad! Yup. They dont come any sleazier and dishonest than that!

And so, for being a 100% total creep, for making all the rest of us, even the Clintons, look relatively honest and for being an inspiration to those of us who fear our eighty sixth birthday I am happy to announce that Narain Dutt Tiwari is my man of the year. If I could afford it I'd hire three Indian hookers and a camera and send them over to his palace to give him his reward and raise the old duffer's spirits. Congratulations!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Pluck My Roosting Chickens!

Look, up in the sky, its a bird, its a burning plane, no, ITS SUPERPOWER! The geniuses in the Obama Administration have just let us know that America is even safer than before because they have added the ultimate anti-terror weapon to our jihadi-stopping arsenal---Dutch Tourists! These Netherlandic Neandrathals will put an explosive-loaded terrorist in a headlock before you can say Jak Roebynsyn! Fly in Peace, nervous traveler.

Then, the next day, on national TV you can check out our fat-faced smiling Homeland Security Broad as she announces that 'the system worked'. Worked, did it? Let's see what one of the most egregious Obama bum-crawlers wrote in a newspaper that openly supports terrorists and prints e-mail from the Obama White House as settled science:

"If we can’t catch a Nigerian with a powerful explosive powder in his oddly feminine-looking underpants and a syringe full of acid, a man whose own father had alerted the U.S. Embassy in Nigeria, a traveler whose ticket was paid for in cash and who didn’t check bags, whose visa renewal had been denied by the British, who had studied Arabic in Al Qaeda sanctuary Yemen, whose name was on a counterterrorism watch list, who can we catch?"

Maureen Dowd
New York Times

My theory is that Maureen flies a whole lot and doesnt want to get blown up by some hot-wired Islamonazi savage on her way to a well-paid speaking gig. The incompetence and stupidity of the PC crowd- the Clinton, Bush, Obama PC crowd- is overwhelming! We dont need to lock the bathrooms an hour before the plane lands (my prostate throbs just at the thought of that), or turn off the little TV screen that tells you you're flying over Scranton or any of that stuff. We need to find out what town these creeps live in and wipe it off the face of the Earth.

I've been to Yemen, its a Wild West kind of a place where everybody walks around with a giant curved rhino-horn-handled dagger and a giant bag of a drug called qat which they chew all the live-long day, a drug with a high very reminiscent of methamphetamine. To get to sleep they go down to the local drugstore and buy valiums by the handfull (there is no word for prescription in Arabic). Driving an automobile in this place is a tad risky as the average driver has a wad of qat in his cheek, took two valiums to take the edge off and has a mullah intoning the Koran on his tape deck with the volume on 11. The many barnyard animals sauntering about freely amongst the stoned-out traffic and the penchant of the well-armed locals for blood feuds just add to the fun. The more collateral damage in Turbaned Tweakertown the better in my mind. There is no rational way to reach these people, take it from one who has partied with them. Yemen is a nation of drugged-out delusional whackos, kind of like Los Angeles, but worse. Every terrorist attack should be followed with a retaliation strong enough to make a band of terrorists unwelcome in any community.

But our Islamonazi buddies are not the point, we have a bigger problem. The only time our leaders have mentioned the word Islam is when they have implored us not to have an anti-Muslim backlash. Thats the first shot out of the box from every single one of these incompetent losers. They're more upset at the idea of some of us unstable Aryan types writing graffiti on the walls of the Saudi embassy than they are at the thought of 300 people on a jet crashing into a densely populated suburb on Christmas Day. Of course the religious angle of an attack on Christmas Day is lost on our Post-Modern moral idiots.

We dont need an anti-Muslim backlash we need an anti-Barack Obama backlash. We need an anti-elitist PC fools backlash. If it wasnt for those idiots we would be 100% totally safe. No one would dare mess with a country with the military and intelligence resources of this country if we had the cajones to use them. But we dont. Those weapons and intelligence resources are in the hands of a bunch of over-educated cream puffs who are so bedazzled by visions of America's chickens coming home to roost that they wont take the most fundamental steps to protect us, steps obvious to the entire rest of the population; offensive action overseas and an aggressive campaign against foreign-funded, terrorist-supporting, Muslim hate groups in this country.

We also need to ask our beloved Secretary Of State, formerly the Most Brilliant Woman In The Universe, a woman whose diarrheic opinions gush forth at the mere hint of a camera in the room and who is strangely missing from the TV screens during this bleak failure of every government department, we need to ask Madam Hillary why her wonderfully de-Bushed State Department is issuing multiple entry visas to people on terrorist watch lists. We also need to audit the current visa list and match it with the terrorist watch list and then make it Job One to grab anybody who is at all slightly fishy and kick them out of the country RIGHT NOW! without the benefit of any administrative procedure.

After 9-11 the libs were all wandering around asking, "Why do they hate us?", totally ignoring the effect a valueless, obese, drunken, Godless, wildly promiscuous society composed of completely self-obsessed pigs might have on a deeply religious society. But there's another reason; they hate us because we're a nation who has picked a pack of contemptible gutless cowards to lead us. Who wouldnt spit on a nation led by liberals? Those simpering beeches beg for it and smile and apologize while the loogy drips down their guilt-riddled faces.

But, they're doing a great job in their own minds. Remember that day after Virginia and New Jersey had just sent the Dems a message, that day that Nutsy Pelosi announced Total Victory? Now match that up with 'The System Worked' from Janet Incompetano (thanx Mark Stein, its too apt not to use), her fat smiling face wreathed in happiness and pride at the swell job the guys down at Homeland Security are doing. These geniuses never make mistakes, to quote Solzhenitsyn, who knew a commie when he saw one.

There's an easy way to judge if 'the system is working'. Both this incident and the horrible attack at Fort Hood were linked directly to one creep in Yemen; when he's dead we'll know that Barry And The PC Gang are serious about protecting our safety. In war you dont play defense, you attack if you want to win.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Geniuses 1- Aryans 0

If my father was alive today he'd roll over in his grave. How did I go so far astray? I guess it was that first Civil War reenactment. Georgia Infantry. You know, the slavery guys. That was my gateway drug but who ever would have thought...I didnt even recognize how sick I had become until that nice Senator Whitehouse laid it all out. And this guy is really cool, too! I used to go to his website, I mean the chicks on that site would do anything! But I guess being up to his elbows in freaky porn 24/7 did something to his brain and turned him anti-social. He quit being a respectable pornographer and now he's the Democratic Senator from Rhode Island. Sorry Mr. & Mrs. Whitehouse, maybe your other kids turned out honest.

But, whatever, this dude might be misguided but he's plenty smart! You see, after I went to that Civil War reenactment I went to a Tea Party. Now, in between these two events I voted for John McLame so I figured that I was just as much of a commie as anybody else. I mean, I even recycle! Well, my wife makes me, but I'm saving the planet just as much as the Greenest of the Green. You know, when Copenhagen happened I tried really hard not to laugh. Well, not that hard. I missed Barry's Nobel Speech. I figured if he said anything memorable people would remember it and tell me about it but nobody ever mentioned it so I guess watching 'Rotten Tomatoes' on Algore's Current Network was a better choice after all. That level of apathy and ignorance would qualify me as an Obama Voter, wouldnt it? So I figured I was cool.

But Thoughtcrime is insidious, it creeps in and turns you into a counterrevolutionary without you even knowing it. I was hanging out with some of my Tea Party friends, few and far between in this neck of the woods, and just for a joke we were kidding around about how Obama and the Democrats were wrecking the country and spitting on the Constitution...I mean those guys are a crack-up, they'll say anything for a laugh. Anyway Troxl, a huge blond Viking of a man looked off into the not too distant future that we only have to march towards over the bodies of our subhuman enemies and said, "Hey guys, wouldnt it be fun to do a World War Two reenactment?"

"Wunderbar!" said Hendrick, wiping an errant hank of hair back from his forehead and crossing his arms forcefully, "We can be the SS Totenkopfverband Division!" It all seemed so innocent. We would put on our black uniforms, drink imported beer (from guess where?), taking care not to spill any on our swell armbands, and talk about Health Care and pass around the literature that we downloaded off those hip insurance company websites while we converted our AR-16s to full auto. You know, just hanging out with the guys.

Then, there it was, The Truth, so obvious, so powerful. Sheldon Whitehouse, genius, savant, a man whose vision and insight were spotted and harnessed by those wise Rhode Island voters tells it like it is...

"The birthers, the fanatics, the people running around in right-wing militia and Aryan support groups, it is unbearable to them that President Barack Obama should exist."

OMG! He's so right! That nice little old lady I talked to at that Tea Party about the Constitution, she was like a Nazi or something. Those Aryan types are mighty crafty. They seemed like struggling small business people and disillusioned working class types to me, people afraid for their future and anxious to preserve their freedom. Most of them werent even blond and they left their armbands at home to fool guys like me into thinking they were legitimate protesters. Dang! I've been hanging out with a bunch of Nazis the whole time and I didnt even know it! If these critters find out that my father was Jewish they might turn me into a lampshade or something!

One thing kind of gets me about Senator Whitehouse, though. He was speaking after all of him and his left-wing buddies voted in perfect lock-step to pass a HealthScare Bill that was locked in Uraih Heep Reid's office, unread by anyone, in a party-line vote in the dead of night. Whats he got against us disgruntled fringe elements anyway? We're powerless. You'd almost think that the emissions from guys like him were warming up the political atmosphere so much that the mandate that his party lied its way into was melting in a hot sea of voter anger. No, that's not true, the New York Times says everybody still loves Obama deep down but they're just cranky that he's not far enough to the left. Uh-huh.

But for a party that now has its victory those Dems arent celebrating very much, are they? The blatant purchase, with money borrowed from the Chicoms or printed up fresh by the Federal Reserve, of the votes of three of the most nauseating hypocrites ever to disgrace any public office was enough to make anyone gag. Even Dianne Sawyer's botoxed skin-mask wrinkled a little on that one. Ben Nelson reminds me of a big fat dog I had once that got sprayed by a skunk and then wanted to come in the house to get to his food bowl, his face twisted with greed but trying to be ingratiating as he reeked like a ripe corpse. Blanche Lincoln looks like the harrassed woman from down the street who would show up with a bunch of bruises to have coffee and would tell my mother, "Harry says I dont listen too good..." Mary Landfill looks like the cheerleader that the football players used to get sloppy drunk after every game and drag into the showers. She has that same demented leering grin pasted onto her face that doesnt quite hide her political nymphomania. What a bunch of losers! My skunk-sprayed dog had more moral fiber than all sixty Demo Senators put together. In fact I should apologize to Cooper for comparing him to Al Franken or Chuck Schumer.

Loser numero uno has to be the aptly named Joe Loserman. Skunks take one whiff of him and run the other way. Remember during the impeachment trial in the Senate when they announced solemnly that Loserman was going to make a speech that would burn that nasty BJ Clinton to the ground, and what a lot of phony-baloney pious hot air it turned out to be? Well, that time he peed on anybody dumb enough to think he wasnt just as much of a commie as all the rest of the Demos. Just like he did again this week.

Well, at least Whitehouse set me straight on this opposition to Health Scare. I told those guys that I wasnt going to be a part of their racist cabal anymore and to take back those Friedrick Von Hayek hate manuals and all those Milton Freidman and George Gilder hate books for the next big book burning and count me out. I feel clean now. I can recycle with a happy heart. Well, not completely happy; before I quit they were going to make me an Unterscharfuhrer!

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Crapen-Hoken Clown Posse

During the current record-breaking blizzard covering our suffering nation with a layer of ice and snow unemployment has taken an unexpected (not by anybody with any sense) jump up and the HealthScare pie fight continues in Congress and the Senate. The nation's rage grows more white-hot (uh-oh, Warming You Can Believe In!) against the Stalinist policies that these lying radicals, these jerks who were 'fiscal conservatives' a year ago when they were running for election, are inflicting on an economy already grinding to a frozen halt as blizzards harsher than anyone has seen in their lifetimes rage in wave after wave across our frozen homeland; a land with an icebound economy taxed to a frozen halt as giant tax increases and oppressive regulations pile up like mile-thick glaciers, blocking any growth and crushing any enterprise under their frozen sheets of Marxist stupidity.

After signing into law another titanic trillion-dollar giveaway subsidy to every domestic parasite and loser in the country our jug-eared Stalinist clown of a Chief Executive has taken some time off from wrecking our nation to fly over in a fleet of jets belching black carbon from every nozzle into the swirling snows of CrapenHoken to promise to hand over hundreds of billions of deficit dollars to every leering. greedy savage wrecking their own 'underdeveloped' nations' economies so that this collection of Chavez-loving bloodthirsty Leninist thugs can have more goodies to pass out to their cronies and put in their Swiss bank accounts.

And where is the genius of Hope And Change getting this mountain of Lucky Bucks? He's borrowing it from the Chicoms. If the monsters who run China are so danged concerned about the overhyped con-job of phony Global Warming 'Science' why dont the Progressive Socialists running that totalitarian nightmare of a dictatorship take some time off from chopping their citizens up and selling their organs on the black market to lend themselves the money and leave us out of it. The Friend Of The Atmosphere is already engaged in turning the country that was stupid enough to elect him into a Tanzania-like, poverty-stricken Marxist dictatorship so our carbon footprint is going to shrink no matter what idiotic treaty the totalitarian liars in CrapenHoken come up with. The Hoaxers have now been under the gun for a month from the ClimateGate revelations but have yet to produce ANY data or ANY evidence that their fictitious 'science' has any basis in reality at all, but that doesnt bother President Slappy and the Red Brigade in Washington in their breathless quest to levy Crap On Trade taxes on a crumbling economy.

Meanwhile Nutsy Pelosi has jetted over into the blizzard conditions swirling around CrapenHoken with her wizened and surgically scarified, botoxed skeletal mug, trailed by her zoo-like collection of squirrelly, deformed corruptocrats (aka the House leadership) to underline what an insult to common sense this whole cretinous circus of moronism is. They're claiming they are there to create even more Green Jobs. The only Green Jobs this collection of freakish-looking Bozos has created involve standing next to your mailbox picking your nose while you wait for your unemployment check to arrive. The great Green Jobs dilemma is Eat Or Flick, although in the current polar weather conditions the Eaters might have to microwave their Green Snacks, increasing the carbon footprint of our evil capitalist nation. We can count on Nutsy and the boys to give us a few hearty laughs to amuse us as we slip into further into a freezing Ice Age poverty.

Also good for a chuckle is the Hoaxer's Clown-mander In Chief, the always vomitatious Algore, standing with his feet frozen in a block of ice spouting made-up 'statistics' so absurd that even the bum-crawling liars at the government-run New York Times are obliged to note his 'unsupported statements'. Of course the noble NYT doesnt give any credence to the absurd notion bruited about by the Deniers that this fifteen year descent into Arctic weather has something to do with the sun (aka Big Ball Of Fire In Sky) and not, as the Hoaxers claim, a much-deserved punishment for our Evil Consumerist ways.

Crapen-Hoken has underlined, if any more underlining is needed, what a deluded pack of idiots these Hoaxers are. Well, what do you expect from these over-educated, arrogant, elitist creeps, these graduates of radical indoctrination centers like Harvard or Yale? The Settled Science is that these dopes are wrong about everything they say. EVERYTHING! The old cliche about a blind pig occasionally finding an ACORN is disproven by this bunch, whose one ACORN has been revealed as being as dishonest, lawless, incompetent, confused, ignorant and stupid as their Democratic paymasters. These Congressional Friends Of The Poor are conspiring to hand out bales of a currency that is on its way to becoming as worthless as the toilet paper the Hoaxers want to deny to us all. We wont be so lucky as to have these guys apply the 'one sheet' policy to wipe the carbon problem away from the world's odiferous industrial exhaust pipes. We can expect whole rainforests to be turned into treeless deserts to publish the massive White Papers, white as the zero-visibility blizzard raging outside the conference, that the Hoaxers, pushed into panic mode by the ongoing collapse of their lie, will need to write to justify this Grand Larceny by the ruling class against us apparently undertaxed peons.

The weird Kabuki dance of vile and nauseating anti-capitalist demonstrators outside, fighting the Danish police in the howling maelstrom of the advancing Ice Age, adds a hilarious footnote to the macabre sight of Western Civilization committing mass suicide in freezing weather conditions not seen since the end of World War 2. If you're a leftist and you were stupid enough to vote for the Commissar of Hope And Change than you are responsible for our formerly great nation's involvement in this travesty...a travesty that George W Bush, to his great credit, would never have played along with.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Tidal Wave Is Coming

This morning on Real Clear Politics Stuart Rothenburg, a thoughtful liberal and solidly inside-the-beltway type, writes a calm think-piece allowing that there has been a shift in the political winds and that the Republican Brand that the DC geniuses had pronounced as unsellable, the brand that had become as toxic as the American Motors brand became in the seventies, had enjoyed a slight but understandable comeback. Why the Dems, who 'everybody' thought would enlarge their one-party grip on total power, might even lose a seat or two in 2010 and that they should work ever harder to enact their program of reform before the curmudgeonly voters emerge from their musty-smelling tea parties and knock off a few deserving but misunderstood stalwarts. Stuey picks carefully amongst the crowd of beached Demo political whales and concludes that they are merely sunbathing, although one or two might have problems returning to the water.

"The overall shift in the psychology of the cycle ..." The overall shift is from Hope And Change to Dopes Enraged as the chumps who bought the Obama con j0b realize how badly they've been had. They're looking at the 'Ronald Reagan Democrats' who turned into 'Joseph Stalin Democrats' the minute they got to DC. They're looking at two trillion dollar deficits from the people who spent eight years screaming about Bush's 250 billion dollar deficits. They're looking at 10% and growing official unemployment rates and real unemployment rates approaching 20% and then looking over at the college grads sitting in their living rooms listlessly watching TV because they cant find a job with their expensive but worthless degrees. They've noticed that the Dems want to cut half a billion dollars from the already bankrupt Medicare and add twenty or thirty million new 'beneficiaries', many of them citizens of China or Mexico. They're watching the once-proud US turn into a groveling satrapy of the Chicoms and the shameful spectacle of our President bowing low as he apologizes to every clapped-out, bloodthirsty Leninist dictator while at the same time he stiffs our long-time allies. They're thinking about the vast ocean of oil and trillions of cubic yards of natural gas left in the ground while the people who refuse to build nuke power plants are waxing poetic about windmills and solar panels that produce tiny amounts of electricity at a huge cost. They're looking at a government whose policies are aimed at the end of individual automobile ownership and that is committed to lowering the standard of living for us little peons so we dont mess up the atmosphere with our carbon-criminal lifestyles. They're looking at a HealthScare 'reform' that steeply raises taxes on small business and the middle class five years before introducing a system that will destroy private health care and dump us all into a Soviet-style gubmint health care system that has failed miserably in every country stupid enough to try it. They're reading about a shadow government run outside any Constitutional restraint by Commissars who have openly announced their fervent commitment to Marxist ideology; a safe-schools Commissar who openly advocates child molestation and a regulatory Commissar who advocates giving legal representation to animals among the collection of angry utopian crackpots who have been awarded vast powers by an arrogant chief executive. They're looking at a Crap On Trade Tax that claims that it will fix the weather and that is based on phony made-up 'data' that the 'scientists' who promulgate it claim to have lost. They're looking at the open Democrat support for a criminal organization openly engaged in voter fraud. They're looking at a war in Afghanistan where the commander-in-chief has refused to identify victory as a goal and whose only announced policy is one of 'disengagement'.

If the American people have any sense left at all there wont be a single Democrat viable for any office in any state. There is a tidal wave of rage amongst normal people against these lying left-wing elitists and despair and angst among Democrats who see all their prized hallucinations melting away as the test of reality is applied and the phony 'moderate' label becomes harder and harder to use to bamboozle the voters. This avid anger is a real tidal wave larger than any of that drooling moron Algore's fantasy Global Warming Computer Model tidal waves. It is a wave that will sweep the trembling edifice of the Hope And Changeniks into the swirling waters of their failed and misguided policies.

One idea is emerging as the watchword for the 2010 election becomes clear; if you vote for ANY Democrat for ANY office you are a complete and total dolt. They have proven their idiocy, corruption, arrogance and incompetence beyond a shadow of a doubt. The leftist nostrums so dear to the hearts of every Democrat are bringing poverty and disaster to the voters they have lied to so fervently and are whipping up a wave of fury against them. The truth is now crystal clear; there are NO moderate Democrats, only a pack of damned commies who should hang their heads in shame and who have no business in any public office.