Thursday, October 15, 2009

Joe Wilson Is Lazy

Come on South Carolinians! Are you serious, sending a lazy clown like Joe Wilson to represent you in Congress? Look at the furor caused by his behavior. He shouted, "You lie!" during an Obama speech. In mitigation some people would point out that he only did it once. That's exactly my point. Was there only one lie in that speech? Of course not! That was an Obama speech...mmm,mmm,mmm! Every point it made, every word, every implication, every time he cleared his throat was a lie aimed at further confusing and bamboozling an increasingly moronic electorate. If Joe Wilson had stood there and yelled, "You lie!" at the end of each sentence that would have been a little more appropriate. But Joe Wilson only yelled it once and then, faced with attacks immediately launched by the Government Controlled Media, issued an apology. He apparently was happy with the rest of the speech, which wasnt any more honest than the illegal alien line that Wilson objected to. After his objection to that one point he then sat happily applauding each new piece of mendacity that leapt in a high-pressure stream from the lips of Obama...mmm,mmm,mmm!

But how can we criticize Wilson for his lack of energy? Even though an amendment barring illegal aliens from collecting benefits from ObamaCare was voted down on a straight party-line vote (Olympia's day off apparently), underlining Obama's egregious lie, we have to notice that Wilson didnt issue the simple statement that this vote called for, one that read 'He lied then and he's still lying'. Well, the Government Controlled Media wouldnt have reported anything so racist and provocative so maybe he just didnt want to waste his breath. But the lack of a statement like this from anyone in the opposition is why we are where we are.

Every word these Democrats speak is a lie. I guess before we criticize Wilson for his lack of enterprise we should look in the mirror and think about all the times we've sat there, listening to some leftist idiot propound on Glow-Bull Warming or George Bush's Evil War, or why turning the health care industry over to the federal government is a great idea, without standing up and yelling, "You Lie!" I do it all the time. I'm afraid of losing my job and infuriating my wife and most of our friends. I mentioned that the UAW was responsible for the demise of GM at a party once, and this is Los Angeles, not Detroit, and was almost physically assaulted by a guy who claimed that it was capitalists and foreign automakers who were responsible...oh yeah, and the Evil Bush Tax Cuts! When he ran out of foolish cliches and couldnt make his point he became irate. But it was obvious that he lied. All the arguments of the left are thin lies that wont stand up for a minute in a rational debate. That's why they get personal and physical immediately and avoid you in the long term. They dont want to be confronted with the thinness of their arguments. Later my wife was furious that I 'caused trouble' with our friends.

Now that the lies are pouring from the left in a torrent is it wrong for the few of us who remain sane to sit back and let them flow past without yelling "You lie!" as each one rears its ugly head? Are we a bunch of lazybones summer soldiers in the war against the left? I dont know, sometimes the PT Barnum line 'Never smarten up a chump' rings in my ears as some happily grinning dope tells me that doubling my electric bill will save the polar bears who are breeding like rats on the expanding polar ice cap to the point where they're achieving a population density similar to coolies in Java. Are you going to look into her lovely eyes and turn her cretinous grin into a scowl of hatred as you break in and state, "You lie!'? No you're not, you're going to grin politely and leave her to her fate, the fate of the citizen of a declining socialist state.

After all, what do I care? In a few years I'll be able to take my wheelbarrow full of worthless Obama-bucks I got when I cashed my permanently extended unemployment benefits check and pay off my fixed rate mortgage so I wont have to move behind the dumpster at Circus Liquors over on Vineland (its where you go when you want to get clown drunk!). I've lived poor and I've lived rough. Fortunately my 'good' years occurred when my kids were small but they're all grown and able to take care of themselves in these increasingly bleak times so all I care about is shelter, a simple diet and my computer. The whole rest of the world can fall into the 'Hope And Change' pit and it wont bother me too much. Your boat got repo'ed and your 401k is worthless? Enjoy the Hope And Change you moron! You should have yelled "You Lie!" when that charlatan was making all his promises. I was wise enough to have spent every penny I got as soon as I got it, making me the perfect victim of Capitalism, a true target for Obamunist solutions that you kiddies will now have to work hard to pay for. I didnt lose a penny in the stock crash and every bank in the country can go broke without bothering me, I wont lose a plugged nickel...well, maybe the plugged nickel which constitutes my current bank balance but I can deal with that. Why should I raise my blood pressure arguing with the people who are going to put in such hard work paying for my rightful Benefits? Maybe we should just wait until we're all sitting in the waiting room of one of the few doctors who will remain in practice after their fees are cut by two thirds, an experience my wife has had, BTW, when my infant daughter became sick on a visit to the UK and was taken to the local GP. Sixty people in the waiting room. We'll have plenty of time for discussions of comparitive economics then, more time than we'll need. Makes you wonder why you dont yell "You lie!" every time some idiot says that cutting doctor's fees in half and adding fifty million people to the system isnt going to result in lines and rationing. We wont have to yell "You Lie!" then.

Right now I take the coward's way out...I yell "You lie!" at my TV set or when the ABC radio newsbreaks happily report some 'fact' that Mark Levin just finished debunking for a half an hour. I post salty comments on Real Clear Politics and The Politico. I went to a Tea Party. I waste my time blogging, sometimes in my pyjamas! But the world doesnt seem to be responding. Have the old verities lost their pull?

Come on now, if we're going to demand honesty in other people we might as well be honest with ourselves. The thing about Capitalism and Freedom is that its hard work. Obamunism is completely passive. All you have to do is sit there and let it happen to you. Yes you have the opportunity to be a success under Capitalism but really, c'mon, who's got the energy for that? Most people want to put in their eight hours at the stupid job they hate and go home and veg out in front of the tube. Each family member with a different TV set. Nirvana. Economy collapsing? Who cares. Its Bush's fault, OK? Of course they're a little peeved when their brother and his family have to move in to their 800 square foot shack because he lost his job and his house and they dont like the twelve dollar a gallon gasoline or the six-hour wait at the doctor's office, they're even more bugged when inflation puts them into the millionaire tax bracket but its all good! Just go with the flow. After all, jumping up and yelling "You Lie!" every few minutes gets a little tiresome after a while.

So maybe we should go a little easy on Joe Wilson as the health care lump slides through the legislative colon, eventually to land on the tops of all our heads. He might even be one of the good guys. In this age of socialist lies and AmeriKKKan decline (a choice according to Krauthammer, who yells "You Lie!" every day on TV) maybe the only way an aging conservative can survive is to connect with our spirit of ingenuity and enterprise, become infused with a new enthusiasm to succeed and move forward, to throw off the chains of sloth and passivity and go out and apply for every single government benefit that is available on the local, state and federal level and pursue them with the zeal and persistence that we would have summoned in the Horrible Capitalist Years in our selfish pursuit of success. Yes we can! And, when we are on the roll for every handout, have swallowed every ounce of the corrupt dishonesty that our left-wing feudal lords can dish out, as the formerly prosperous and happy world we were born into turns into a slough of socialist emptiness and despair we can happily jump up onto our formerly reactionary feet, love of Obama in our hearts and yell, "You lie...and so do I!" We'll only have to do it one time and everything will be just peachy. Really. I'm not lying.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Its not what you say or even what you do, its how your mere presence makes people feel that counts. You dont have to tell the truth, you just have to seem like you really care. Not sincerity but Sinceritude. Sometimes this TV truth, this hunk of video wisdom, this pop adage lurks beneath the surface of a turbid everyday reality. For example, as the clownish Algore repeats his faith in the hockey-stick temperature graph visions of The Late Medieval Warming and The Little Ice Age flow into our brains until we realize we love the chubby devil because he can say things like 'no controlling legal authority' and 'Bill Clinton is the greatest president in American History' with the same cherubic mongoloid look on his face that he uses to defend the Hockey Stick. None of its right, none of its true, we know that, he probably knows it too but there he is, staring into the camera, never blinking, with that weird grin on his face. Sinceritude.

And what has Sinceritude gotten the egregiously misguided Algore. A thriving business telling people that the money they send him will be used to plant trees whose carbon dioxide absorbing properties will soak up the excess CO2 and save their homes from tidal waves and brush fires. In this age of Green Chumpery that's like a license to print money. Sinceritude. He's probably not even planting trees either but running a chain of Medical Marijuana growhouses where each of the cloned buds are counted as a Carbon Offset. The best thing about Sinceritude is the recognition you receive for it. Algore cannot sing; he has a Grammy. Algore looks like an overripe mandarin orange on TV and stumbles in his delivery; he has an Emmy. Algore knows nothing about filmmaking and cant act; he has an Oscar. Algore's biofuel idiocy has caused world food prices to rise, causing riots and starvation across the globe; he has a Nobel Peace Prize. Does he have a Pulitzer? In all this excitement I kind of forget myself. Its Sinceritude if he does.

But then it happened. Oh yes, it happened in the dead of night, while us unsuspecting citizens were sleeping and dreaming our workaday dreams. I awoke and turned on the television and heard the awful news...Epperson had been dumped from Project Runway. Blonde, Aryan Heidi Klum was handing the tall, charming, dreadlock-wearing Epperson a one-way ticket to designer Palookaville. Auf Weidersehn! Epperson. OK his entry in the Wedding Dress challenge was a total disaster and that shirt-dress monstrosity from last week wasnt any better. But he was so cool about it all! I had been wading through John Bagot Glubb's 'The Empire Of The Arabs' when my wife's watching of DVR episodes of 'Project Runway' lured me away from the madcap antics of the Umaiyad Khalifs in the 8th Century. Go figure.

C'mon, we all know Irina's gonna win. That chick is hot! Razor-sharp and coolly calculating but very lacking in Sinceritude. She wants to win. Epperson just has been cruising through the show, almost forcing everybody to like him. So it turns out he's a zero, a mediocrity. Shouldnt they have given him First Place just because he's an affable, tall, charming, post-racial black guy with Mucho Sinceritude? Its happened before.

So now what, Epperson? Now that Heidi has shot down every dream you ever had how are you going to survive in a country in which, even though the Stimulus Bill, legislation with a lot of Sinceritude, has saved millions of jobs, there is still a paucity of employment opportunities. Where does a young minority male, on the streets with little skill, less enthusiasm, and a provincial and incurious view of the world go to earn his daily bread? Where is a hand reached out to the true owners of Sinceritude? The Illinois Legislature, that's where!

You go sit in the front row of Reverend Jeremiah Wright's church and when he yells 'God Damn AmeriKKKa' you stand up and you yell, "AMEN!" real loud. You hire William Ayres to write you a great autobiography. Soon your feet will be up on the desk, your lovely young assistant standing by, waiting for instructions and you'll be voting 'Present' with the best of them. Politics is way better than dress designing, where I'm told people who have jobs are expected to actually do something from time to time. That'll never happen to a politician with lots of Sinceritude. Look at Charlie Wrangle, he made at least double his measly Congressional salary with his funny real estate transactions and didnt pay taxes on any of it, but he has the Sinceritude to weather the political, racist insinuations lodged against him by the Crackpot Christian Terrorists in their campaign to destroy AmeriKKKa.

So you go for that legislative sinecure Epperson. You never know; a lifetime of phony achievement and total mediocrity if accompanied by a dollop of ruthless ambition and a generous ladleful of Sinceritude can lead a guy to the Nobel Prize at the end of the rainbow. I'm not fooling. Its happened before.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Tragic Death Of Od

Great performers are cursed in these angry times. It seems a wrathful God has it in for those who try to rise above the heads of the common herd. Paul Newmann, thespian and purveyor of salad oil struck down; Michael Jackson, musician and also a purveyor of oily lubricants suddenly snatched from us and now Od, Thailand's best dwarf trapeze artist, perishing in a tragic accident that can only make you wonder if there really is a God or, if there is, why he chooses to be so cruel.

Od was on the top of his game. He had overcome centuries of Thai prejudice that said dwarves could never be the best, could never excel. But Od was the best. He did excel. The audience was in the palm of his stubby little hand. He had fame, he had fortune. he knew he was the master so when he did his triple flip cross-swing the crowd was wowed! Down he flew, onto the trampoline he used to do his dismount, in itself a masterstroke of genius. You got to see a dwarf on the high wire but he wasnt too vain to bounce on a trampoline. Od didnt disdain the simple tastes of the masses, who enjoyed watching dwarfs bounce up and down as much as they loved them swinging and tumbling through the air. But it was this demotic touch that led to his downfall.

Something went wrong. He hit the trampoline at the wrong angle, maybe he was falling too fast, we'll never know because no cameras were present. He bounced, but he didnt bounce straight up in that hilarious dwarf trajectory that audiences had grown to love. He arched. The next act was named Hilda The Hippopotamus. Again one yearns for the presence of a camera. What do you train a hippopotamus to do in a circus anyway? Do they hop up on their back legs or something? This whole circus sounds like it was dreamed up by some mad surrealist impresario who fled The West with its cutsie-pootsie Cirq De Soliel to get back to a more Medieval feel.

Whatever Hilda did during her performance is beside the point because as she waited to go on the bored Hilda gave a gigantic hippo-mouth yawn just as Od came careering off the trampoline. Into Hilda's yawning mouth. She had a gag reflex and swallowed Od. The audience cheered. Od had topped himself this evening, and to be fair, so had Hilda. The people at the circus were upset, there cant be a whole lot of dwarfy trapeze artists running around, certainly none of Od's caliber. It took a while for the crowd to understand what they had witnessed, to realize that Od would not be coming out to take a bow. Ever again.

I'm upset. If those Right-Wingers hadnt blocked Obamacare maybe Od could have been saved! Fortunately ObamaCare doesnt take citizenship into account- we're all citizens of the world after all- and I doubt that there's anything in the legislation wending its way secretly through the back corridors of the House and Senate that says you have to physically be in the United States, either. Of course even under the magically enlightened tenets of ObamaCare this Od situation has some thorny sticking points. Cass Sunstein will of course have added provisions to provide the hapless Hilda with an attorney so that she wont be forced into surgery to alleviate a non-life-threatening condition. Hippos are pretty much vegetarians and its almost certain that a fully-clothed, rhinestone-coated dwarf is going to at least give her a bad case of heartburn but you knife-happy jokers put those scalpels away. Anyway the wait for surgery under ObamaCare might make the whole thing moot by the time its resolved.

But this isnt about ObamaCare, its about how you can be riding high one minute and the next minute you're lower than hippo waste, which I'm told doesnt float. Look at Barry, President Of The World and its Peoples. He gasses up five jets, grabs Oprah and his First Lady and junkets off to Copenhagen to let those EuroTrash lounge-lizards at the IOC know where their next Olympics was gonna be. Him and the Lovely Bride got up to the mikes and delivered a version in which the refrain Me-Me-Me-Me-Me came out so rapidly the drunken sportsmeisters must have thought the Obama's were skat-singing. The IOC had its big, bored hippo-sized mouth open at the time of Obama's speech and the inevitable gag reflex swallowed the Greatest Olympic Pitch Of All Time.

Like Od, Barry Obama is headed for the fertile soup at the bottom of the hippo-pond. At least his poll numbers are headed that way. It turns out that this charming and affable 'Hope And Change' candidate is a stiff, distant, inarticulate and blatantly dishonest radical presiding over an economy where employers are looking at business-gutting legislation that is pending in the house and senate and refusing to hire anyone. The people who voted for his picture on the cover of People Magazine are starting to catch on. You're going to cut Granny's Medicare are you? That sounds expensive for me. Every doctor I know over fifty years old is planning on retiring. The miracle Green Jobs havent materialized. Nothing that people thought these guys were going to do has happened. Instead we got a giant increase in spending and debt and humiliation after humiliation in front of the world. Its not even a year and people are starting to miss Bush.

What's next with this political dwarf? Can he be any more inept? Why are Axelrod and Emmanuel looking more and more like Curly and Larry while we have in the oval office an increasingly long-faced and clueless Moe. I guess we should thank God for Barry's total lack of leadership skills; if he knew what he was doing we would have ObamaCare, Cap And Trade and Card Check by now. Instead the Pelosi-crats passed a trillion-dollar payoff to themselves and threw away any credibility they might have accrued by painting the Bushies as corrupt big spenders. If Barry had any concept of strategy he never would have let Reid and Pelosi pull off a heist like that. Its becoming increasingly clear that neither him or his associates have any clear concept of anything. Harvard grads all. Geniuses. Just like Od was a genius.

Even The President Of The World's vaunted communication skills, always highly overrated, have let him down. He's not a good speaker and now nobody believes him so his delivery doesnt matter anyway. Barry's getting a deer-in-the-headlights look to him. There never was any opposition in Chicago! If somebody was on your team they were on your team, there was none of this blue-dog crap! Even OPRAH doesnt work anymore. Now they're kicking around a 'second stimulus'. Its like a 'second bankruptcy'. Revenues are crashing, and so is Obama's agenda. The Dems just dont understand what went wrong. It must have been the same with Od as he saw that gaping maw of destruction get closer and closer. None of his talent, none of his luck, nothing can stave off your fate once its cast. That goes for everybody, even the President Of The World and all its People.