Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Victory Incarnate!

Hillary's stonewalling evasions and mercurial, soulless self-positionings have been going on since her first run for the U.S. Senate from New York, a state she had never lived in and knew virtually nothing about. The liberal Northeastern media were criminally complicit in enabling her queenlike, content-free "listening tour," where she took no hard questions and where her staff and security people (including her government-supplied Secret Service detail) staged events stocked with vetted sympathizers, and where they ensured that no protesters would ever come within camera range.
Camille Paglia

So upset am I at the surging Republican liberals Mike Huckster-bee and Mutt Romney that I have decided to try out as a volunteer at the Clinton Campaign, you know, like a reporter for the Washington Compost or a street vendor in Chinatown. So, with that in mind, I'm here to announce Mrs. Clinton's amazing Victory in tomorrow's debate. She will deftly turn the tables on her gang of testosterone-mad adversaries (giggle! balless would be more accurate) with wit and charm and set the fluttering hearts of the worried pols in the party at rest. The Comeback Queen! Wolf will behave, of course, not wanting to join Tim Russert drinking cheap wine behind the dumpster at the liquor store as he bemoans his eviction from mainstream media paradise. The other spineless weenies that claim they want to be considered from the Democratic nomination will show their usual gormlessness and run about in circles, bumping into one another to the delight of all. The Dumbest Man In The Senate (Joe Biden) will make a heartfelt plea for party unity, and one of these spineless wimps will actually present some form of grovelling apology for upsetting the apple cart the last time. The usual laughs will be provided by comedy-candidate Dennis Kook-Sin-Itch as he explains his wonderful foreign policy ideas. Stubby little straight-man Richardson (the one most likely to apologize to Her Ladyship) will mumble his usual sub-audible nonsense. John Edwards will spout the 1960's cliches he stole from Lydon Johnson and opine that even now, with the Al Qaeda troops that the Democrats support in Iraq facing extinction, its still not too late to achieve the defeat of the hated US Military by electing one of the fine candidates present on this stage.
But it wont matter. The night will belong to Her Royal Thighness. The media probably have their glowing stories written already (in fact the New York Slime's front page extravaganza was faxed over from the Clinton Campaign this morning). The Networks are practicing their 'Hosannas' as we speak (because CBS' writing staff has gone on strike with the WGA they have been temporarily replaced by 'volunteers' sent over from from the Clinton Campaign, ensuring that the coverage will not change in any way). So lets all get our hankies out and be ready to weep with joy at the sensational return of The Champ!

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