Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Jerkinator Is A Total Genius

In a TV interview our esteemed Governator said that marijuana isnt a drug, its a leaf. When is a leaf not a leaf? Dude, when its a drug! Now this caused me some consternation; so much so that I dropped my pipe in mid-hit and a burning ember put a totally giant hole in my Ronald Reagan T-Shirt. Dont you hate when that happens? I mean, I got totally turned around; after all cocaine comes from a leaf, so I guess when you process it it turns into a drug. But then does that make hashish a drug?And heroin comes from a plant but not from the leaves so that is actually totally a drug. Amphetemines come from Sudafed, which isnt a plant or a leaf. But what about Peyote buttons and mushrooms? Here, wait, left me fire up my pipe and I'll get back to you on this complex problem. AHHHHHHHH..... I've decided that I dont give a shit.
In the 60's we used to often recite the wise adage, "Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope." Social Security is going broke, taxes are about to rise to levels that would make a serf in the Middle Ages go ballistic and lets face it, whatever small niches of the economy that will remain unnationalized wont be functioning very well, so we're looking at massive unemployment and a worthless currency. Now this situation might upset some people but we're just a few bong-hits away from it all being OK. We just update the old bread-and-circus routine that the Roman Empire invented to an internet-food stamps-sensemilla regime and just Chill Out! We can even download Arnold's movies, some of which are stoner classics (Conan 1&2 and the 2 Terminators, for example). Our truncated and wasted military and our nationalized energy companies will take the threat of stoned drivers off the table by immobilizing most automobile traffic;in fact, unused Hummers and Navigators would make totally awesome places to toke, the sound systems could be powered by solar panels on the roof.So, like, in this next Depression instead of getting all depressed and stuff like those old dudes did in the 1930's, lets just kick back and enjoy! Oh yeah, we could also include Vicoden and Valiums in the Free Health Care because they go really good with smoking dope.

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