Thursday, October 18, 2007


When I look at our fine legislators in Washington (and in Sacramento) I'm reminded of that scene in Cheech and Chong's 'Next Movie' where Chong shows Cheech a bag of cocaine but wont give him any and Cheech yells,"Dont you read Dear Abby,man? That stuff's bad for you!" and then grabs the bag and shoves it into his own face and inhales deeply. Well, the Republicans criticizing the Democrats for spending and earmarks is as sincere as Cheech's health warning, they just want to get their noses in the bag and inhale deeply.
In today's column Bob Novak gives an example of an earmark proposed by the oily Chucky-Schumcky Schumer and Her Royal Thighness (D-NY) to fund a museum (The Bethel Center) dedicated to commemorating the giant acid-party at Woodstock in 1969. You see its SO meaningful to us boomers, even though we've gone from ingesting hand-filled capsules of LSD from the hands of strangers (yes, I plead guilty, your honor) to trying to make hamburgers illegal because they're bad for your health (hey, you know, Dear Abby said taking LSD was bad for your brain and now most of these ex-hippies are mad-dog Democrats. That woman was almost as smart as The Smartest Woman Ever In History-- you know, the one behind the Bethel Center earmark. Maybe we should earmark some money for the 'Dear Abby Center'). Anyway, he goes on to list a pile of earmarks proposed by both Republicans and Democrats and refers to the campaign contributions provided to the legislators by the interested parties. Is this an incurable disease our country has caught? Will anyone elected to legislative office just naturally turn into a swine? Was it always like this but our grandfathers just couldnt think big enough? Are we just doomed to stand there, helpless, while these short-sighted idiots tax and spend us into third-world poverty?
It's too depressing. While others are debating lofty issues Novak is making the case that trading subsidies for contributions is alive, well and sadly bi-partisan. You wouldnt suspect the Dems would have brains enough to drop the earmark crap but after last year's election dont you think the Republicans would have wised up to how mad we all are about this nonsense? Nope, they're shoveling the same old horse dookey hoping we dont notice the smell. I guess none of it matters anyway, as soon as the boomers flock to enroll in Social Security the fiscal rowboat goes under the waves and all these subsidies and pet projects will get swamped along with everything else. Good! Now, I'm not one to say that half a million people taking LSD and fornicating in the mud to the overamplified squeals of electric guitars wasnt a great moment in American history (actually it was a turning point to a society based on total self-indulgence) but I will be happy to hear that a crowd of ragged New Yorkers, stripped of their possessions by pitiless tax collectors have seized the Bethel Museum and are using it as an ad hoc homeless shelter, have ingested some nameless drug and are roasting stolen hamburgers on a fire they've kindled in the foyer using debris stripped from the exhibits for fuel; it'll be what they deserve for voting consistently for liberals.

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