Saturday, March 1, 2008

I'm Singin' In The Campaign!

As the walls close in on her in Texas and Ohio, the Clinton Campaign is adopting a strategy they developed when they found an old DVD in Vin Gupta's jet, 'Singin In The Rain'. It was a last-ditch strategy which they named 'The Lina Lamont Gambit'. In that classic old movie the shrill. obnoxious, power-hungry blonde egotist confronts the studio head and reads him the riot act. With that scene in mind the Clinton campaign announced just last week that in the thirty days previous they had taken in "more money than Calvin Coolidge...PUT TOGETHER!" A dubious claim, but who's checking? She sure didnt take in half of what the TV Messiah managed to bilk from the fists of his zombie hope-junkie followers. But still, the announcement was genius; all over America people wracked their brains...who could this Calvin Coolidge guy be? One of the Clint's wealthy contributors, no doubt, so it must mean that she's awash in cash.
But that was only for openers. Further on into the confrontation scene Lina reads from her contract, lifts the document and announces, "... and if I dont like it I can see-ooo!" Now, remember, Hillary sees Lina as the Good Guy in this; after all, didnt dashing Gene Kelly drop Lina like a bad habit and go lunging after the first bit of melodious young crumpet that appeared on the scene? It turns out the The Blonde One and The Dashing One were only linked because it helped their careers...but I digress. It seems that the Clintons are going to see-ooo the Texas Democratic Party over the caucuses that she didnt think she had to organize for on the ground. While she was munching caviar with the Chicom secret agents and career white collar criminals who form a large part of her donor base Obama was out organizing in every caucus state. He caught her with her capri pants down, so to speak. First one since Bill, probably.
There is also every indication that Clinton, Inc is going to see-ooo the DNC to force them to accept the delegates from Florida and Michigan, who had their delegates excluded for holding primaries outside the rules of the party. An aggressive legal strategy to win the nomination. This kind of thing works well when your dealing with spineless Republicans but I think Obama is made of sterner stuff.
In fact, Obama took a leaf from the 'Singin' In The Rain Strategy Book'. Here's a peek at part of his new anti-McCain stump speech:

"There is nothing I hate more than to see a filthy old whitie, a-howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were real old like this one was."

An amazing political rendition of 'Singin' In The Rain' follows.

No comments: