Thursday, February 28, 2008
The Clintoon Network
You dont really believe that the self-obsessed narcissists we know and love as The Clintons are ever going to leave the national spotlight just because the entire country has turned their backs on them? If you cant win one way, win another. Liberals do well in politics and MEDIA!
Yes, its the Clintoon Network! Its about time we had a cable channel totally devoted to the Clintons, besides CNN, which is soon going to be devoted to the Twelfth Imam Obamassiah anyway. There's a whole lineup of swell new shows for you and the kids...er, maybe you might want to let the kids watch 'Lion King' on the DVD players in their rooms, if you can get them to stop making dates with middle-aged psychopaths on the internet long enough to watch some TV. Whats happening to kids these days? In my day we used to spend days parked mindlessly in front of the flickering tube but can these little brats stay still long enough to absorb some of the great reruns? No, they're too busy blogging and texting and playing 'Grand Theft Auto'. We had to watch 'Lucy' reruns in BLACK AND WHITE you little punks! The country's going soft.
But the Clintoon Network will do its best to stiffen the country up!
Here's a little taste of the fall lineup!
A whole lot of squawking pipsqueeks and their strong-headed female leader in a Smurfy town filled with anger and intrigue.
Well, he's still a former president, so people are going to just give a hearty chuckle and look the other way! Our hidden cameras follow the Legacy Boy on his worldwide hunt for more trophies. Age, weight and twisted visage are never a drawback when this guy's in town! He'll grope his way into your heart and you'll cheer as he evades boyfriends, husbands and law enforcement officials with aplomb! Special political guests like Larry Craig (you havent been in the Minneapolis Airport till you've cruised with Bill and Larry, they've got ALL the bathrooms covered!) will rocket this offering to top spot in the lineup.
QUEEN FOR A DAY!
An old favorite with a new twist. The crown and the goodies are awarded to the politician with the most heart-rending, pathetic, sob-inducing tale of political betrayal by an ungrateful nation, an unfaithful husband and an unappreciative party. You'll never guess who wins. Every Day.
MEET THE JIGGLES!
This is no band of wussy Australian ponces hopping around singing kiddy songs. This is Bill Clinton raw, live and how you like him-- served HOT!! Bill's Cigar Corner is a real hoot! Let those weirdos that think an ex-president ought to conduct himself with dignity go sulk in the corner while we go microwave some popcorn, crack a brew and wait for one of those wardrobes to malfunction!
THE CHELSEA SPRINGER SHOW
This kid knows about dysfunctional families! You'll see them fighting it out on stage as Mom goes for the bimbos and tosses lamps , everybody just has a high ol' time!
So fluff up those sofa cushions, lock the kids in the basement and settle down for some rollicking good times!