Tuesday, March 25, 2008

My Brush With DEATH!

I turned the key to start my car (a favorite terrorist trick is to wire an explosive charge to the ignition) and backed out of my driveway onto the steep hillside street where cars sometimes speed murderously, unstoppably fast and drove to the stop sign. Fortunately my brakes worked, if I had not stopped I would have been squashed flat by a fast-moving garbage truck. As I continued on my short journey I continued to nearly miss other motorists by a mere ten or twenty yards in some cases and the road rage shootings so common to Southern California did not occur. I walked across the Target parking lot, narrowly avoiding being run over by dangerous mini-van driving housewives. Even though many people describe these warm, sunny days as 'earthquake weather' my entire ten-minute sojourn inside the store was uninterrupted by any serious ground tremors, the precariously balanced merchandise remained on the shelves.
In the end, I returned home safely.
I'm not telling you this so that you'll think that I'm brave, or that I worry that my lack of military experience makes me a coward so I overcompensate by living such a danger-filled existence. NO! I tell you this to make the point that maybe you did join the Marines during the Viet Nam War and were in an infantry company and you did four tours but people like me and Hillary Clinton have been there too. We've walked the walk and now we're talking the talk! We're brave in the face of imaginary snipers. So she wasnt at Khe Sanh, she still almost ran to the hanger from her luxury jet during her visit to a peacekeeping mission which had the same number of casualties as the mission that got John Kerry his Bronze Star. You guys probably think that driving down to Target to get my wife some Band-Aids is just nothing...I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED EVERY MINUTE! I think that Hillary's stint on the front lines of death cancels out that Congressional Medal Of Honor McCain got lounging around in the Hanoi Hilton, watching cable TV and filing habeas corpus briefs in the North Vietnamese Appellate System.

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