Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Channeling Jesus

At about that moment, a female guard with a drawn handgun turned a corner and walked toward the gunman and yelled "Surrender!" Bourbonnais said.

The gunman pointed a handgun at the woman and fired three shots, Bourbonnais said. She returned fire and just kept walking toward the gunman pressing off round after round.

The female guard fired off about a dozen shots.

After the gunman went down, Bourbonnais asked the woman, who has only been identified as a volunteer security guard with the church, how she remained so calm and focused.

Bourbonnais said she replied:

"I was asking the Holy Spirit to guide me the entire time."

I'll fess up. I live in Los Angeles and work in the film industry. I've only ever been inside of a church during a wedding or a tour of Europe. I dont really know anybody who goes to church. The general impression held by the people around me about Flyover Country Christians is that they go to church heavily-armed praying for a chance to 'Get In Touch With The Holy Spirit' and empty a full magazine into one or more of their fellow Christians. The tragedy of this is that it occurred during the Writers Strike and the forced hiatus of the Daily Show. But dont worry, the stereotype of the nutty well-armed Christian will emerge to stalk the national stage in spades if someone like Huckabee wins the nomination. If he got it there would be an immediate flood of cartoon caricatures of Christians in the media (this one just writes itself).
It turns out that the crazed shooter was so nutty that he had been kicked out of several Christian youth groups and had developed a raging hatred for the people who had rejected him.
Also, what kind of a gun did Jeanne Assam bring to guard a suburban church? Twelve shots?
Regular handguns dont have twelve shots in their clip. Was she packing an Uzi or a Tech-9?
What kind of a church was this? The pastor was involved in cocaine trafficking with the local band of Crips so that he needed some major security with some real firepower? Like I said, I dont go to church but I went to a friend's daughter's confirmation a couple of years ago and didnt notice any well-armed security guards. Is it normal to have them?
Whatever it was, you can expect a flood of cartoon caricatures of gun-totin' Christian zealots if religion stays on the front-burner in the Republican discourse. This Robo-Cop Jesus Version is good enough to scare the shit out of the anti-gun Oprah-worshiping soccer broads in the general election if Huckster-Bee pulls it off.

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