Sunday, May 10, 2009
Let's All Move Toward The Center
Some people accuse me of being a hot-tempered, crackpot extremist. My wife thinks I'm a complete loony. After all, I dont have any assets to talk about. I drive a fifteen-year-old car and live in an earthquake-ravaged shack with a cracked slab foundation on a badly compacted cut- and-fill lot on a steep hillside which is only held in place by the varmint-infested vegetation which court-imposed water rationing will kill by the time the hot weather kicks in in July. During and after the Writer's Strike last year I spent a long stretch collecting unemployment from a beneficent state and didnt feel any shame in doing it. Then I got a night-shift job in a special FX house where I was consorting with sundry dead-end types. So why am I not a Democrat? Is it just sheer perversity?
And now the moderates have lowered the boom on us poor, discredited throwbacks by bringing up their big guns; to wit, Colin Powell and Megan McCain. They've convinced me that I've been wrong all along. Americans want more taxes and bigger government. Isnt that what Barry and the Gang ran on in last year's election? I remember Obama saying, "I'm going to raise your taxes so I can partially pay for a massive spending spree by Congress! The rest we'll Print!" Compelling stuff, kind of like Lincoln. And now Powell avers that if the Republicans dont jump on the Government Train they'll be left behind at the station. That makes me feel really bad because for the last two years in the pages of this blog I've been accusing those recalcitrant GOPers of already being on the Big Government Express. I guess they werent on board enough.
Now that Janet Napolitano has labeled conservatives as terrorists and extremists, unlike the 'militants' who were so mistreated at Club Gitmo, and Barry was seen cracking up as some dreary comedienne yelled that she hopes Rush Limbaugh's kidneys fail (gosh, I wish I'd thought up that line...its a corker!) maybe its time to jump on that speeding train myself instead of pointing to that signal that says that the bridge is out up the line.
Its funny though, just as I drop my extreme ideology and embrace the warm glow of Obamunism an article pops up in a newspaper that makes a moderate like me pretty danged angry.
OK, its a furrin' newspaper and we all know what a bunch of alcohol-soaked sociopathic antisocial maniacs those British reporters are. They probably hire them in bars that cater to bender drunks who flunk out of anger-management therapy. Before I became a moderate I would cruise the electronic pages of The Sun or The Evening Standard just to tank up on inflammatory rhetoric and to dream of a couple of these sneering, cynical, reprobates being admitted to an Obama press conference instead of those reverent bootlicking brownnosers from the Obamunist media. But this story is from The Telegraph, which is a newspaper read by staid English conservatives; bankers by day, leather-clad spankers by night and wankers all the time. Folks who have never been fond of verbal excess in the newspapers they read.
The story is a cautionary tale for any banker or twee upper middle classnik. It seems some of Obama's richest supporters are concerned he might be taking his non-ideological moderation too far. They had all been thinking he was just another Bill Clinton, spooning out the class warfare blab for the rubes and forming a line at the side door for 'contributions'. We all (us moderates that is) knew Clinton was lying, it was part of his charm! We could just park our assets in states with no income tax or in offshore tax shelters, hand a bit of baksheesh to the powers that be and everything was copesthetic. All of those tax cheats Obama nominated for high office skated through previous audits, it was only when the honest accountants started checking them out in public that it turns out that all of them had some fishy tax problems. Thats the nice thing a bout moderation, you might choose to be moderately honest, but if you dont Who Cares? Nancy Pelosi just had Barry order Atty General Eric Holder to drop all investigations of moderate (aka Democrat) officeholders. You're one of the boys in this big, huge fraternity of public servants. And I'm going to be there on rush night to sign up for my slice of the moderate pie.
You see, as a moderate I get to hate some of the same half-wits I did when I was a terroristic Right-Wing nut! Only better. How many times have you stood, watching CNBC, thinking how nice it would be if Warren Buffet was stripped of every single penny, no matter who it was that did it? It seems ol' Warren is worried that these arent the same kind of moderates that the Clintons were. Ditto, Bill Gates. I dont care how much philantropic Save The Planet hogwash he spews, Gates having a hundred billion or so to spend however he likes means he hasnt been paying his fair share. Yeah! And Uncle Barak and the gang are going to do more than talk about it, especially as the Fairness Society slides into bankruptcy as a result of eight years of Bush mismanagement.
The first glimmers of fear are starting to enter the brains of the elite and wealthy geniuses who plunked down the cash that rocketed Barry to the White House. Glimmers that say that Barry believes every word he was saying on the campaign trail. They're beginning to listen to Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman with new ears. This Hope And Change stuff might be a little dicey if you are the ones holding all the assets when the Megastate goes bankrupt. They've already taxed the crap out of us little dopes. We're skint.
And now Steven Spielburg, its time for you to be skint too. You got hosed by Bernie Made-off and you got hosed by Barak Obama and now this is the part of the movie where the Obamasaurus eats your bank account, your many houses, your fleet of cars, your private jet, and all the other accoutrements of making an obscene profit, leaving you a gentile pauper like Ingmar Bergman with a 102% tax rate. Now thats a film I'll want to see twice! Enjoy the popcorn, fools!
Being a moderate is going to get better, too. As the tidal wave of cash being generated by the Fed and the obscene orgy of government spending reaches a crescendo the upper middle class, the smug granola eaters who rolled on the ground in an ecstasy of Obama-love during the last election, will abandon Whole Foods for Wal-Mart as inflation surges in like a tsunami and turns their dream castles in the retirement sands, the precious 401ks that they have devoted a lifetime of squirrel-like accumulation to gather, into a flat beach, a level beach, a more fair beach! A beach with no Global Warming, a beach with no traffic jams in a world where cars are assigned to government officials on the basis of need, a beach where squatters huddle in the ghostly, lightless ruins of the cheaply-built seaside mansions looking around at the jimcrack, rotting plasterboard and telling tales to their gape-mouthed, ragged, unbelieving children of the glittering world that has passed and gone.
I'll be smiling. I can accept my fate, whatever it is, if I know that the people who turned their backs on our free society and so blithely led us away from sense and sanity will someday know how wrong they were. Their bitter sense of betrayal will make up for all the condescension and smugness as they mapped out the landscape of Hope And Change in their little brains, a million different fantasies of No More Bush! They should have read a few of the books by 'old dead white men' that made the case for the old wealth-generating society but during the Vietnam War those books were expelled from Academia and replaced with the Marxist tomes that were absorbed so well by Barry and the Clintonoids.
So lets nationalize Microsoft, Apple, Berkshire-Hathaway, Soros Holdings, Disney, Dreamworks, B of A and all those huge enterprises run by the super libs who ignored reality and went for Hope And Change. We can turn them over to moderates in the unions or ACORN who will abandon the obscene quest for profits and concentrate on fairness and moderation. Like in Cuba or Venezuela. Maybe Micheal Moore can make a film about a new and more human America and call it 'Celsius Zero' to show that we're all caught like flies in amber by a frozen, rigid economy that doesnt let the rich and energetic steal from the poor and laid back. A moderate utopian paradise!
So, my conservative friends, its time to throw off the chains of free market economics, free speech, equality of all before the law, religion-based non-flexible morality and let the moderation flow into your hearts. Colin will he proud, so will Megan McCain. And if you dont get your minds right remember, we've got your names!