Tuesday, March 30, 2010
White Aint Right
Boy do I feel guilty! That really smart guy Frank Rich says that the only reason to oppose Obama is that you hate Black People. Gosh, you know, this guy writes for the New York Times so he's a smart as a whip, right? Jesse Jackson agrees with him so like, it's Settled Science.
Hey, wait a minute! I dislike Jimmy 'The Jerk' Carter, BJ Clinton, Nutsy Pelosi, and Chuckie 'Schmucky' Schumer every bit as much as I do Barak Obama...does that mean I hate White People? Come to think of it, I do hate those pink-skinned, freckled, yellow-haired freaks. I even hate Frank Rich for saying that I hate poor, innocent black people who by and large weren't allowed to vote for most of the time a bunch of honky jerks were constructing this ungainly social welfare state that is about to drown this haplessly stupid nation in a sea of roaring red ink and loudly shouted 'GIMMIE's. Yeah, OK, Black People jumped on the Big Government bandwagon pretty enthusiastically in the sixties but by and large the idiots who have invented the misguided social theories that have gotten us into this mess are the faculties of the 'top' universities, overwhelmingly white, the members of federal and state legislatures, again largely a bunch of fat, pink faces and the giant, sprawling state, federal and local bureaucracies and their rapacious unions...a mixed group, but still majority white. The reasoning and decisions issuing from these groups of people could be used to advocate a theory that white people are not only much dumber than black people, they are the stupidest group of people ever to exist on the planet. In a century they have piloted themselves from total dominance over 100% of the planet to a cowering, guilt-riddled, childless, shrinking, geriatric group of obese spoiled brats sniveling for the next handout from the state while they suffer daily insults and new imposts from the more robust savages who surround them.
But the geniuses at ABC News know how to direct my anti-social anger in the right direction. They led the news last night with a giant story about angry, well-armed, right-wing, CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS! It showed those Fat, White bustards shooting their automatic weapons into the shrubbery while a voice-over reminded us, by using the word Christian always to modify the word terrorist, that these unhinged white people were typical of the deranged Jesus-loving scum who oppose ObamaCare. It explained their crack-brained paranoid ideology in as much detail as ABC News ever explains anything. Man, I really hated White People after watching this and I'm glad that, unlike the Christmas Panty Bomber, the Feds were proactive in this case, nabbing these CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS before they actually did anything. Thank Go...I mean Allah Be Praised! Whew! That was close. You know that Jesus guy was white. That's right. The 'C' word was infused through the story. The word they were afraid to use in this story was 'eight', you know, the number between seven and nine. Why was this word muttered sotto voce so inaudibly? Well, it turns out that this seeming horde of WHITE CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTIC TERRORISTS possessed a badly-matched assortment of legal weapons, a lunatic philosophy, hard-drives stuffed with plans and schemes and a total of eight members; four of them a husband a wife and two sons.
The story which followed was reported from a different perspective. Two suicide bombers set themselves off in the Moscow Metro, built by Stalin using tens of thousands of slaves, many of whom were done to death during the construction, during rush hour, killing several dozen and wounding many more. ABC filled our ears with the moans of the injured and trembling eyewitness accounts in broken English. But whereas the first story that evening had focused intently on the CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS and their irrational religious ideology this story didnt spend much time talking about the 'militants from a Caucasus separatist group'. Again they were forced to soften and slur a word and say it very rapidly. Islamic. The 'I' word. No talk of the loony philosophy behind these 'activists'. No speculation as to the number of 'militants' in this group of 'Caucasian seperatist protesters', presumably more than eight. No disheartening reportage on the violent threats issuing from the spokesmen of a government that has always shown itself eager to retaliate against its perceived enemies. No mention that this seemingly isolated act is a result of a long process starting with Stalin's fury at the Caucasian Moslem's support for the invading Wehrmacht during the summer offensive in 1942. Stalin ordered all Caucasian Moslems arrested and transported to camps in wastelands in Khazahstan or Siberia. From ninety-nine year olds to babes in arms. Communist Party members and war heros. All of them. This is a war between people who hate each other's guts but ABC decided that wasnt as important as the CHRISTIAN TERRORISM in the previous story.
But, come to think of it the CTs were white and the 'thoughtful activists' were suitably anti-Western so maybe ABC News has joined me, and I hope all of you, as we stand together against those horrible, awful white people and their crackpot Christian ideology. In fact I'm getting a petition together to ask Congress to punish those palefaces for their lack of enthusiasm for ObamaCare. We're not gonna let you and your unpigmented mugs participate in ObamaCare! We're not gonna even let you help pay for it, so keep your filthy white lucre and go invest it or whatever you honkies do with your money and leave us, your victims for centuries, to the streamlined procedures and incredible low costs of ObamaCare. Take that CheeseBoy!
All of us, actual non-white people and people like myself who are white but hate themselves passionately for the crimes of our forebears, we're gonna ship all you 'American' guys back to Europe and give this torn and bleeding country back to the soulful Native Americans who know how to live without a carbon footprint so that we can raise carbon taxes and save the planet from burning up like a giant cholesterol-saturated Frito. Remember to fear the loony Christian Terrorists and their crackpot ideology.