Thursday, November 5, 2009
We Never Make Mistakes!
Nancy Pelosi took an axe
and gave the economy forty whacks!
And they say when she was through
she gave the Blew Dogs forty too!
Yes, I listened to those braggadocious Right-Wingers Wednesday morning, crowing about their so-called 'victories' in New Jersey and Virginia. I was almost confused enough to be happy about it myself, until I got The Word. Our national Mad Granny came down from the attic, a smile almost cracking through the tightly-stretched, botoxed flesh on the starved-looking skullfaced wreckage of a once-beautiful face and informed us that ,"We won!" It was like that scene from 'Springtime For Hitler' where Little Joe lays the good war news on Dick Shawn as Hitler. "We're winning, Heil Baby!"
Of course its a different scene over at the White House where Barry is sitting at the piano morosely singing:
One and one is two
two and three is five
if I cant hold Jersey
Is Healthscare still alive?
But buck up Barry. San Fran Nan knows something you dont know. You might be worried that the Blew Dogs, those rotten pieces of cowardly counterrevolutionary scum, those moderates, might panic and screw up your expropriation of the health care and insurance industries. But the cracked Red Granny knows better. She knows the Blew Dogs for what they are. Doesnt their name imply that they're game for any kinky tricks a Speaker might want them to pull? Didnt they name their caucus Blew Dogs to make Nan feel like the whole country was getting in touch with the lifestyles of the Frisconstituents who inflict this raging, destructive, Stalinist menace on a helpless nation every two years?
You can fool everybody else in life but your old Granny knows the truth about you, doesnt she? And what does Nutsy Pelosi know that doesnt seem to be obvious to anyone else. Its so obvious. It should be something that everyone knows, as common in the culture as the knowledge that that SUV that just cut me off in traffic because its driver is on the phone is killing the planet. And that fact is this; the Blew Dogs are lying about being moderates. If you take Ben Nelson and relocate him to Santa Monica he's to the left of Henry Waxman and Barbara Boxer. THERE ARE NO MODERATE DEMOCRATS! None of them. Not a single one.
Yes the Blew Dogs throw their honor and credibilty away every election time as they make pious noises about balanced budgets and not raising taxes but when they get back to The Big Town they're ready to join in the redistributionistic fun with both hands. They are on board for the agenda. Where Barry and all the other libs doubt them is on the guts level. Will they crawl to the right to protect their phatassed jobs from the Bible-banging, gun-toting rednecks back home. If you get those 'family values' critters too riled up you'll end up kicked out of office with a lot more time to spend with your canine. You'll be exiled from home and entombed in a Fairfax County Think Tank $300k per year coffin trying to get commentator spots on late-night CNN. Its the nightmare of every political hack.
Nancy must have read HL Mencken's warning to look for the flyspecks on the souls of anyone who considers making politics his life's work. Politics is not the occupation of an honest man, or woman, these days. Arent the Blew Dogs living proof of that? How can you expect strength of character from people who wont even state their real views when they face their constituents? Let's be frank--these guys are pathologically lying weasels. They are to the Health Scare fight what the Italians or Romanians were in WW2, the soft underbelly that invites an enemy attack.
But when it comes right down to it, when Nancy refers back to one of the favorite philosophers of all of us glowing 1960's middle-class idiot radicals, the Great Helmsman will inspire her to Look At The Red Sun Rising In The East and order the human wave attack on the retreating Capitalists. If a few fall they'll get their rewards once the class-enemy has been throttled by the righteous hands of the Revolution. They know that. Their career doesnt end if a bunch of Teabaggers take their electoral revenge, the Party will always take care of its own.
So we can count on the Blew Dogs taking the fall and voting for that horrible monstrousity of a Health Scare bill. They're leftists. They can look at the Big Picture. The Big Picture is not electoral success but Total Power, the end of elections and listening to people too stupid to have studied at Stanford or Brown. The Peoples Democracy of Chavez and Fidel (with a swell Gubmint Health System like in Cuba!) will correct the errors and omissions of the so-called Founding Fathers and for every Blew Dog who falls in battle there will be plenty a phat cushy sinecures with free-flowing wines and beautiful secretaries, willing to do anything to not join the starving masses huddling in their unheated, dimly-lit shacks, fighting for space on the broken-down buses, dreaming of a worldly paradise that now only the top officials will enjoy...