The Senator and the Lobbyist

"Oh John, your hand is on my knee!" exclaimed the startled lobbyist as the Senator's wrinkled paw stroked the diaphanous silk that molded the curve of her exquisite thigh.
"Thats right baby, I'm reaching out across your aisle."
"But Johnny, what about the FCC?"
"No worries hot stuff, before I'm done you'll know you've been FCCed, and thats the Straight Talk," he muttered as his drooling old mouth moved towards the uplifted, sculpted young breast now freed from its lustrous silk covering by the Panting Maverick.
Her hand moved purposefully down to further entice the Surging Senator.
"Not exactly the Gang Of Fourteen!" she thought to herself but as she thought of the legislative influence she was wielding her resistance began to crumble.
"I'm going to give you 12 inches and make it hurt," he moaned, with classic political hyperbole.
"Oh great. He's going to FCC me three times and punch me in the stomach," she thought, but remembering all the pending legislation her clients were interested in she resolved herself to do whatever it took. An afternoon session with Enrique, the stunning Mexican pool boy from her condo complex who sneaked across the unfenced border only a couple of years ago and was plying his massive undocumented talents amongst the female 'lobbyist' community, would partially erase the hour or two spent 'lobbying' this aged, stumpy, goatish, egotistical Senior Senator so she clenched her teeth, leaned back and faked a low moan as the Straight Pork Express steamed into her hot, hungry love tunnel...

I always knew that I had it in me to write for the New York Times. If I had gone to the Columbia School Of Journalism instead of living in that plywood shack on Muir Beach maybe I'd be pontificating on MSNBC right now. Oh well, no use crying over spilt... well maybe that aphorism is a bit inappropriate in this context.
I dont think I would want to work at the NYT anyway after watching them promote McLame and drive the negative coverage of his opponents and then dump this basket of innuendo and tripe on his head. Thats what you get for crossing the aisle and reaching out to these liberal creeps, you maverick. Drudge alleges that you phoned and pleaded with Bill Keller (did you offer a cabinet post or yell expletives at him as though he was a Republican colleague?). What an image that is; the 'campaign reformer' Republican foot soldier in the Reagan Revolution on his knees begging the editor of the Marxist New York Times not to print a story that nails him as a smarmy hypocrite who legislated against the First Amendment (damaging the Republican Party and the conservative movement in the process) in the name of Clean Government and then fell into the arms of a self-interested lobbyist puta. I could carve a better candidate out of a banana.

Okay, hours later. Its turning out that McCain has apparently dodged a stinkbomb hurled by the liars at the NYT. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. And I lied, I cant carve a better candidate from a banana, I cant carve anything out of a banana. And I cant write for the NYT. SOB!